


So Much It Hurts

by laughablyunimportant



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Nihilism, POV First Person, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-01
Updated: 2012-06-01
Packaged: 2018-06-03 19:39:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6623614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laughablyunimportant/pseuds/laughablyunimportant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Davesprite's internal monologue re: him & Jade.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Much It Hurts

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back in 2012 and never really did anything with it.
> 
> Now that Homestuck is over, I'm posting all my old drabbles and backdating them to when they were originally written.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

I love you so much it hurts is just another way of saying, it hurts to love you. You cause me emotional, physical hurt. You are bad for me.

Get away. 

Because I can't force myself to get away from you.

 

She's not getting the message, and I'm not sure I really want her to. Would she leave, if she understood what she's doing to me? Would I let her?

I don't know. Having her around hurts like hell. Not having her around might damn well kill me. 

Guess if I have to go, that'd be a pretty damn ironic way. A bird, lovesick over a dog. There's some kind of joke in there, right?

God, we'd make the ugliest damn babies. Forget the genetic nightmare that human/bird/dog would result in, think of the color scheme. Green and orange, a fucking disaster. 

Not. That we could have kids, anyway. Her and John keep growing, getting older. Me, I'm stuck. Suckers, right? Found the key to eternal youth, just throw yourself in a glowing game piece, get frozen in time.

Fuck.

It doesn't even matter. I'm not sure how I've made it this long without becoming another dead Dave. I think it has something to do with being in another universe? Doomed Daves die to preserve the universe or whatever, can't exceed the swag-o-meter. But wherever it is we're flying through, it's not the same fold of the universe the trolls are in. Where Dave prime is. So for now, no paradox. But in two more years, we'll go through that window on the other side, and then. Two Daves. 

John thinks I'll be okay. He figures, we're outside the game now, things don't operate the same way. 

He's lying. John's a good kid, but he's fucking terrible at lying. He doesn't believe that. He just doesn't want to think about losing Dave, his Dave. Any Dave. He's seen me break, and he doesn't want to see it happen again.

I don't really, either. No one _wants_ to break. But I knew this would happen, when I came back. I would die, or he would.

Shit. Listen to me. "Or he would." That was never happening. Rose said—

fuck

 

Forget it, okay? Just forget it. Jade thinks she wants me, but she doesn't want a damn thing to do with this hot mess. Rose, the Rose that matters, is gone. And if John even sees the difference between us, I don't

I don't want him thinking about which one of us is real. Because then I have to start thinking about it too.


End file.
